Typing to waste time

Ok update time again. I'm uber bored of waiting (for something) so I'm going to blog to waste time.

So A Levels results are out and I'm glad I did well. Scholarship application is a major bane in my life now. I just applied for DSTA very last minute and screwed up my write up abit but it's fine. I don't think they'll call me and I (currently) hope they won't call me because I'm so afraid of the interview. After this round of application, I realised that hey I don't really want to work for the company afterall...I just want a damn scholarship so I can study in London, which is one of my wildest dreams. I just this one step close to it but this step is a tough one. I never believe I can fake my way through and pretend that I'm interested in working for the company when I'm not. It's just so...hypocritical. And people who know me well knows that I can't stand being someone I do not want to. Is that a weakness? Many a times, especially when it comes to doing stuff I dislike, I think so. :S

I'm still shooting these days but am kinda lost among all my aims. I think I've set too many aims for myself I just can't fulfill them all! I just sent in competition photos for the LTA competition which Ed-t recommend we go for. I think it's a decent attempt at most. But anyhows, I hope I can win some cash from this...so I can upgrade my gear. I went with Joscelin my junior to the studio today to shoot some portraitures today. It was my first (unguided) experience with studio photography and I'm not really satisfied yet honestly. I guess we kinda took too long to set-up and missed the opportunity to do some shots I really wanted to do. Till then then...it costs a fugging $30/hr to book the studio. And I don't really think I can afford this in the long run...too expensive for an experiment. I'm trying to build my own mini studio with 2 strobes, 2 umbrellas/softboxes & wallpaper but I can't find that space in my house. I need my own room badly. Something like Pearlyn's room would be awesome...so conducive for self-portraits.

I'm looking at Maldives photos again! I guess I kinda really miss it lots. Wonder if anyone that went to the trip miss it as much as me. Perhaps they'll when A Levels come (hee hee). But seriously the time at Maldives was one of my happiest moments in my life & it's the most beautiful place I've been. I would very much still like to keep in contact with the J1s I went with on the trip last year but we kinda live different lives...so forget it (<---this sounds emo). I seriously need to go down with the same bunch of people another time. Uber awesome stuff.

Okay I'm done blogging. There always seem to be so much time for me to burn every night. I wonder why am I not putting the nights to good use. I'm not chilling out, neither working on something. Just waiting. Idiot eh. I seriously need to learn how to put somethings aside sometimes & work on stuff that's imminent; like Army. I don't even know wtf is field camp or whatever...sounds tough. I hate the idea of carrying 20kg of nonsense on my back too. Seriously...what's going to happen to people skinnier than me? But then again, I can't really find one. Speaking of which, the gym training hasn't been helping much...on the contary swimming did. Cool eh?

Ok enough of time-wasting. Seize the day.

It boils down to this

Oh well...I guess everyone is excited about tmr. Some worried. Some afraid. I can't exactly point out how I'm feeling right now. There's certainly anticipation but let's just say that I got a feeling I won't be scoring as many As as I would wish to have.

National exams are always crazy. It's the time where the underdogs unexpectedly do very well and the usual winners start weeping and complaining why didn't they work hard when they couldn't have work any harder. I wouldn't consider myself an underdog or consistent performer so I guess my grades will be easy to predict. Afterall, I managed to guess my O's score (although geog was a total shocker and saver). And that's what get me worried. I keep telling my worried friends "laxing man, what is done is done" and myself that I've nothing to regret since I've tried my best. But the fact remains that "I tried my best" is never a phrase you would love to use (on yourself) when you receive your result slip. Esp when everyone around you start flaunting or talking about the multiple no. of As they have. Pride matters. Future matters even more.

After the NTU Talk last Saturday, I told myself that if I were to ever get crappy grades, I would just happily skip to ADM (Art, Design & Media). But I know that deep down inside, I'm not prepared for it. To embrace Art when it has never been the focus of my life for the past 18 years (until recently). I would definitely not want a score to allow me to consider this option. My pride would take a terrible beating and my future would be ruined, well in a sense. I need a score good enough of my own expectations of myself or even better (thank god) to step out of that hall feeling good enough to tell others my grades.

I hereby pray for everyone around me, esp my best pals, and myself to do well. I would be really thankful if I do not see any tearing faces (including mine) tmr. God bless.